I used to think that I was braver when I was younger. My attitude to every aspect was Fuck it.
What’s the worse that can happen? I had a job whilst at college doing shifts as an Auxiliary nurse. I adored old people, I found their stories fascinating.
There was a lady who in her 90´s who was the oldest ladies in the home.
A confirmed spinster with poker straight grey hair in a bob held away from her face with a simple thin black alice band.
Despite her years her thin pale face was remarkable unlined I doubt whether she’s ever worn makeup as she struck me not the type.
Her pale blue watery eyes though were vacant and gave away the cruel ravages of dementia.
Everyone was so rushed and stressed in that home they were mechanical in there caring no warmth or emotions, voices in Monotone would say “Cup of tea dear”
After my shift Id often sit with her in her cramped room filled with belongings from a time when her home was much bigger.
She’d be excited of sorts to show me her photos of her travels. She had travelled extensively as a young woman alone most of the time which was a great achievement back in the 1920´s.
She’d have forgotten my name again which I had repeated to her countless times but be able to recite the names of mountains and countries she´d conquered.
And as I smiled as her eyes lost some of their vacancies Id hand her the photo just for her to hand me the same photo back and repeat the same description.
Yes it could be tedious but I never had the heart to say just wanted to her to feel alive again in her memories.
I didn’t like my boss.
There were always money worries despite the patients paying a small kings ransom for just about adequate care.
She was definitely a glass half empty person always angry, never approachable always stressed.
So when a day arrived when I was with my boyfriend. My first boyfriend who Id fancied the pants off for ages who was older, knew more stuff and made me feel good I chose to stay with him.
And when my Nokia rang and confirmed my thoughts I recognised the number and answered it to the afore mentioned rude Boss who told me that as Id missed a shift not to come back I didn’t care.
Yes I needed that job, yes I tiny part of me was upset at letting her down but, I was just where I wanted to be.
Did the relationship last HA no……….
So was I braver back then or was it I had no idea or care of the consequences?…
Would I take a risk or chance like that no of course not.
But its a memory from 30yrs , a part of me and who I am today.
So I choose never to have regrets of risks I take what’s the worst that can happen…….
Would I take a risk like that no of course not..