Winter should be crisp sparkly days with a brilliant blue sky. Everything should shimmer with a light dusting of frost. Magical days….
Instead its dark, and misty. Dampness is the the air the type that penetrates your bones making you creak when you walk and stumble getting out of bed. Everything is brown and grey, the lights are on in the day its dark when you wake up and dark when you go to bed. It all feels muddy and dirty the garden is a swamp. Kids boots forever caked with mud. Hats and gloves and scarfs and waterproofs fight for space on hooks. Its truly depressing and for me zaps my energy. On days like those I struggle to remain enthusiastic my energy levels are low until I reach for the biscuit barrel. Those days feel like they wont end but we all know they do.
Yes Luxembourg winters very much like the Uk they are a struggle. Once the twinkling of fairy lights and Market festivities are put away for another year its back to the darkness.
For the past couple of years after indulging far too much during Christmas Ive completed dry January. Part detox, proving to myself I can do it and health reasons. Each time Ive done it Ive been miserable. The first week would be easy as Id still have alcohol in my system from New Year then after that although I wouldn’t miss the alcohol Id be sad. So this year I decided No. Im going to resist the temptation of a cheeky one on a Thursday night whilst cooking not drink at the week and savour the odd glass at the weekend. Life is too short to be miserable.
Winter itself is wonderful. We cocoon ourselves in our nests with fires roaring comforting ourselves watching Netflix in our comfy clothes, drinking Baileys or cups of tea. We eat rich, chunky heavy food that explodes with heat and keeps us warm. Its about warmth and comfort and using the time to sleep, mend, heal ready to reawaken like a Phoenix .
When I do venture out dressed like an eskimo to give my dog a walk in the evenings I stroll through my village and glimpse at the houses. Your home is your haven, your safe place filled with all your favorite things. Treasures from holidays, photos, books, so many memories a place where you can be yourself drop the mask and stop pretending.
With Smoke snaking up from the chimney, TV on, families winding down from the day reconnecting, disconnecting? I wonder how life is for them? Do their kids backchat, shout slam doors. Do they worry about everything even when there is nothing to worry about? Do they wonder why when you don’t want it to time flys so fast… Of course they do…
And so when you get a February day like today. When the air is cold and crisp. The light is bright showing all the marks on your windows. The sky is blue, brilliant blue with the odd fluffy cloud. Birds excitedly sing the odd insect hums. Yes the garden is still a swamp but there are signs of life. Bulbs poke their heads through the earth. Daffodils sway in the wind anticipating opening very soon. You feel energized, alive you can see the light at last.Spring wont be long now. And I think how lucky I am to see another year.
And so thank you again for taking the time to read. This for me is like sharing a secret. Ive written and harbored a desire for years to write but not told anyone. I think part of it is I enjoy it and don’t want to be told Im not good enough. Its like thinking you can sing and getting up on that stage only to hear the red buzzer….
Perhaps I shouldn’t care but I do. I wear my heart on my sleeve far too sensitive for my own good.
So again thank you. This is rough, perhaps with lots of grammatical errors but its real. X