Ive been quiet, consumed in my own thoughts. Trying to process whats going on at the moment and try in my head to make some sort of sense of it.Generally Im a pretty positive person but at times the black clouds descend and I cant shake them. None of it makes any sense. The uncertainty the contradictions the constant changes watching the news the knots in my stomach squeeze tighter the tremor in my hands returns. The landscape of winter is dark browns and dark green dominate the landscape twinkling fairy lights attempt to raise the mood. The air is damp, breath cold there should be anticipation, joy instead it feels like the joy has been sucked out. Covid checks, PCR tests eyes sad, masks hand washing. Words we rarely used quarantine, isolation, vaccine are now permanent fixtures in our vocabulary.
And Im a mother, a matriarch the glue that bonds my family together. Im the one who ensures the wheels keep turning I have to be strong. Spinning plates, dropping plates its a constant juggle.Christmas is a magical time yet again this year we wait with baited breath to see what unfolds will we be able to see our family. Make new memories, laugh sing, play games take winter walks and cherish every single second? Who knows?
And so as I walk and try desperately to quiet the noise in my head I see an old lady walking with a stick on the other side of the road and she smiles at me. A smile that transforms her face lights up her eyes. its not just a polite awkward smile but a real smile.
I smile back and it makes me happy and sad all at the same time and my eyes well with tears. Because so many will suffer because of bad decisions that the people that are supposed to protect and guide us will make. People will dine alone, be lonely sad maybe even scared and there is nothing we can do but sit and wait and ride out this storm we are living through. But smiling at a stranger can make all the difference. It can be the only contact that person has all day. It can make all the difference and change a day like mine into something wonderful. Knowing that someone cares enough can make all the difference.