My bed is the constant in my life. It never leaves me or lets me down. It welcomes me at the end of the day when my limbs feel heavy with fatigue. Climbing in I instantly feel relaxed, cocooned like soft sand it moulds my body making me feel warm, at ease, safe……….
Its the place where it all began. The atmosphere charged in the dark dead of night. Hot heavy breaths no words spoken. Its where we came together underneath the covers as one. Forgot differences during the day silly bickering, only living for the moment and the reason why we clicked that one smoky night and chose to be together.
In the beginning it was where I lay warm and content watching in wonder the swell of my stomach stretched and shiny move as my babies elbows and feet poked and prodded and demanded attention. Its where I snoozed and tried to imagine how life would change when I became two.
Its where I lay and cried big salty fat tears into my pillow while hormones raged my swollen body wondering would I be enough? Would I be able to keep them happy and safe?
Its where I lay as my babies nuzzling at my breast looking at me magically with wide solemn eyes while they drank there fill. Laying next to them still blown away by the perfect miracles we had created.
Its the place where occasional nappies would be changed. As I held their chubby pink legs in the air like a prize pig at a fete they wriggled and squirmed their giggling filling the air and my heart.
Its the place they come to in the depths of the inky night when the house is silent and it feels like the whole world is asleep. When their sleep has been broken by some unknown reason and they cry out scared and alone needing to feel safe. They climb in and you dry their tears and as they snuggle in and you know that tonight will not be your night to sleep.
Its the place where they come on Christmas morning buzzing with thrill and excitement eyes wide your bedroom still littered with discarded tags and odd ends of wrapping paper. Jumping on you demanding you to “Get up Mummy Daddy” although the clock is telling you to stay put….
Its the place they come for a cuddle or a story where we can lay together giggling and laughing suspended in time.
In the day its the place where the washing occasionally gets sorted folding, separating into piles. Trying to fathom what belongs to who. Who has swopped what with who and pair the many many spare socks.
Its the place where they come when they are upset cherub mouths turned downwards eyes filled with tears and sad sobs that give them hiccups and make their little faces angry and red.When their little worlds feel like there crashing down and they see no escape so they come to you to help them make it all go away.
Its the place where the cats laze dreamily imagining all the mice they can eat. Occasionally twitching and seeming to smile safe in the knowledge that the stupid dog they live with isn’t allowed upstairs.
Now its the place where my girls come to borrow make up clothes. Its where they sit and tell me about teenager drama’s, who did what to who and why they now hate this person……till tomorrow of course.
They are changing, growing up fast becoming young women, their own people. Raising there eyebrows and huffing as I say yet another embarrassing thing. They no longer need me to take them in my arms coo soothing words and kiss their tears away.
Two of them are almost bigger than me. Becoming strong, optioned realizing that Mummy is just human and no longer is always right. I don’t have all the answers and can’t change the world that they are growing to understand is a scary place. Im not perfect but I hope Im perfect enough for them.
It is simply the mothership they all come back to.
Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed it xx
Lazy lazy xx