That question for me has to be “How are you?”

When you think of depression you might think of someone really sad and glum all the time.

In a darkened room, not wanting to see anyone or do anything.

I have had days like that when I’ve wanted to drop off the grid just disappear for abit to refocus.

When the fog just won’t clear and you just want to wait it out before it lifts.

When you are existing rather than living.

Doing everything you need to do.

Shopping, working, cleaning looking after the family but mechanically without emotion.

That’s how I felt at times.

Yes there are many people like that but I think the majority become very good are hiding how they feel.

You don’t want yo be a burden or a bore.

You don’t want to be that person that brings others down.

You want to be funny, a laugh good company.

So you pretend. Put on a mask.

For me, if I met someone I’d make a point of trying to direct the conversation around them. Ask lots of questions and undoubtedly go down other rabbit holes so I didn’t have to talk about myself.

I didn’t want to talk about myself as much of the time my emotions were bubbling just below the surface, threatening to bubble other at any moment.

I was busy, young family lots relying on me there wasn’t the time to dwell on how I felt.

Yet when asked that dreaded question I’d have to address it.

“Im fine!!” “Yep, busy you know kids driving me mad“

Standard reply laughing my mask wouldn’t fall.

Occasionally I’d be honest with good friends, friends who wouldn’t be put off.

Now I don’t dread so much that question.

My previous profession dictated that I’m naturally curious so I’d much prefer to listen to others talk but is it getting better.

I think that sadness will always be hiding somewhere but now I’m able to recognise triggers and I don’t dread so much that question anymore.

Being honest, baring my soul like this doesn’t come easy but I hope my honestly will help others who have felt the same.

Thank you 🙏